Nutty librarians sack book with testy topic

With One Word, Children’s Book Sets Off Uproar
- NY Times

The word “scrotum,” as a general rule, appears in all facets of my daily conversation. But it's a rare occasion when it appears in the first paragraph of a NYT article.

The fact that said article is discussing how 'scrotum' appeared on page one of a children's book makes this post part of some intense mirror-like effect that I can't even begin to understand.

Of all the personality types roaming Earth, the type required of grade school librarians is the most ill-suited to censor children's literature. Don't believe me? Just take a second and think back to your days in grade school. Remember the librarian? That little old coot hunched over a card catalog, sacrificing enjoyment and laughter to the dark lord Melvil Dewey, creator of all that is ordered? Their rule was staunchly authoritarian and it was apparent they hated all children with an intensity that burned like the sun.

Now look back on them through your adult eyes. The old axiom "those who can, do; those who can't, teach" was based on the school librarian profession. In the competency hierarchy of grade school teachers, they come in only slightly above janitorial staff and well below phys-ed teachers. The job interview for such a post is a simple checklist:

1. University undergrad degree
   
2. Post-grad education certificate
   
3. Complete lack of social life
   
4. Deep-seeded hate for children resulting from an unpopular youth
   

Growing up, those people would go into anaphylactic shock if they even heard the word scrotum, not to mention what happened when they were held down and shown one. (Go try it, it's funny.) So when I read the comments from these outraged librarians, I couldn't help but indulge in a deep, chortling laugh emanating from somewhere near my own scrotum.

You see, children need to read about funny-sounding body parts at an early age. In doing so, we can actually REDUCE the humour these words elicit later on in the development process. It's common knowledge to most parents that reading something in a book removes the word's controversy in a child's mind. If anything, making a 12 yr old work through the pronunciation in class will force them to come up with an entirely different word to yell at Susie on the jungle gym at recess.

Imagine, if you will, 35 pre-pubescent voices all stammering on 'sc-ro-tum' in unison. Their eyes all glossed-over in the reading-but-not-learning mode we've all since perfected. Can you hear them? It's like the voices of angels.

I think instead of banning an award-winning book because it mentions boy bags, we should publish the entire works of Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor and George Carlin and make them standard, English texts in every school. Not only would we have better behaved and more eloquent children, but we could most likely do away with formal sex-ed as well.