Blow at high dough
Lawmakers Scold Maker of 'Cocaine' Drink
- NY Times
In a shocking news report from the NY Times, sources have uncovered the unthinkable - New York has a cocaine problem. Not the drug cocaine however, we're talking about a new caffeine-based energy drink by the same name that has just hit the shelves (and the fan) in the city that
never sleeps.
Mr. Bloomberg, illustrious mayor of New York and his cronies are heading up a 'public outcry' against the new drink that "glamorizes an illegal and deadly stimulant that has ravaged families and neighborhoods since the epidemic of the 1980’s."
Shame on Redux Beverages L.L.C., the California-based soft drink manufacturer who produces the substance and then markets it (legally I might add) on the east coast. I think Councilman James Sanders Jr. of Queens really sums up the pure villainy of their plan saying, "Either (they) are woefully ignorant of the horrors of cocaine addiction, or (their) god is the dollar bill, and not even human life is more sacred." I second that notion; those bastards must be actually be trying to turn a profit on their new product.
God forbid a company put profits over people in a country that has prided itself on doing just that across the globe for decades. I wonder where Mr. Sanders' expensive designer suit was made; I'd be willing to bet at least some of his fancy garbs were outsourced to a country where low wages and even lower standards of living helped the label bolster their bottom line. I'm no better, I'll admit, I just can't stand the pungent pong of hypocrisy wafting its way across the country.
The outrage doesn't end there though, and really why should it? Once they run out of mean-spirited adjectives to describe how detrimental this product will be for New York's impressionable "children and teen ‘partygoers,’" they start attacking its lack of nutritional benefits. Surprisingly, Cocaine can't replace orange juice, water or breast milk as a part of your complete breakfast. In fact, while Cocaine does lead energy drinks in caffeine (280 mg/8.4-ounce serving); it pales in comparison to a 16-ounce cup of Starbucks coffee which contains over 370 mg.
One overly paranoid Councilwoman even implies that Cocaine may be a gateway product (like those fiendish Popeye Cigarettes) enticing youngsters to try the real thing. Lady, you have to be on something yourself to make a statement like that. That's like saying Jolt Cola could cause kids to jam a fork in their toaster trying to take it to the next level.
I want to know why no one has brought guns to bear on Cocaine's main opponent, Red Bull and their 'give you wings' campaign. In my opinion, either they are woefully ignorant of the horrors of sprouting wings or, like Redux, are only concerned with the almighty dollar. Again, how dare they! Companies should know better than to put money first in the heart of today's most successful (and immoral) consumer culture.
- NY Times
In a shocking news report from the NY Times, sources have uncovered the unthinkable - New York has a cocaine problem. Not the drug cocaine however, we're talking about a new caffeine-based energy drink by the same name that has just hit the shelves (and the fan) in the city that
never sleeps.Mr. Bloomberg, illustrious mayor of New York and his cronies are heading up a 'public outcry' against the new drink that "glamorizes an illegal and deadly stimulant that has ravaged families and neighborhoods since the epidemic of the 1980’s."
Shame on Redux Beverages L.L.C., the California-based soft drink manufacturer who produces the substance and then markets it (legally I might add) on the east coast. I think Councilman James Sanders Jr. of Queens really sums up the pure villainy of their plan saying, "Either (they) are woefully ignorant of the horrors of cocaine addiction, or (their) god is the dollar bill, and not even human life is more sacred." I second that notion; those bastards must be actually be trying to turn a profit on their new product.
God forbid a company put profits over people in a country that has prided itself on doing just that across the globe for decades. I wonder where Mr. Sanders' expensive designer suit was made; I'd be willing to bet at least some of his fancy garbs were outsourced to a country where low wages and even lower standards of living helped the label bolster their bottom line. I'm no better, I'll admit, I just can't stand the pungent pong of hypocrisy wafting its way across the country.
The outrage doesn't end there though, and really why should it? Once they run out of mean-spirited adjectives to describe how detrimental this product will be for New York's impressionable "children and teen ‘partygoers,’" they start attacking its lack of nutritional benefits. Surprisingly, Cocaine can't replace orange juice, water or breast milk as a part of your complete breakfast. In fact, while Cocaine does lead energy drinks in caffeine (280 mg/8.4-ounce serving); it pales in comparison to a 16-ounce cup of Starbucks coffee which contains over 370 mg.
One overly paranoid Councilwoman even implies that Cocaine may be a gateway product (like those fiendish Popeye Cigarettes) enticing youngsters to try the real thing. Lady, you have to be on something yourself to make a statement like that. That's like saying Jolt Cola could cause kids to jam a fork in their toaster trying to take it to the next level.
I want to know why no one has brought guns to bear on Cocaine's main opponent, Red Bull and their 'give you wings' campaign. In my opinion, either they are woefully ignorant of the horrors of sprouting wings or, like Redux, are only concerned with the almighty dollar. Again, how dare they! Companies should know better than to put money first in the heart of today's most successful (and immoral) consumer culture.
posted by brn at 12:13
2 Comments:
No beverage will ever replace my daily breast milk serving in the morning.
i like to pay 5 dollars for a drink 1/4 the size of most.
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