Dude, you're getting a... ugnnnnhhh

"These Dells are great for porno..."
- thatvideosite.com

Ok, so this is a bit of a departure from the usual, respectable online news channels I post about. Granted this site and the veracity of the video can be questioned ad nauseam, but that's not important. What IS important is why the eff Dell hasn't started targeting this demographic themselves. How many people looking at buying a new computer are doing so with lewd intentions for its future use? I know I am... and I know you are too. Yah, that's right, and I'm telling your mom.

Most Dells are displayed in Future Shops and Best Buys with little peel-away stickers that read: Windows Vista compatible or Intel Inside... but what about a sticker that reads 'Hard Core Streaming Porno-ready'? Or perhaps "New Non-Stick Keyboard Coating"?

Dell could aggressively tap a demographic that already makes up millions (if not gazillions) of current Internet users. I'm seeing a whole slew of new TV ads like this one:

The scene unfolds with a teen in his bedroom, hunched over a keyboard. His face is lit only by the bright glow from his monitor that displays two enormous fake tits bouncing across the screen. A soft, muffled moan coming from his Dell high-fidelity headphones blocks out the sound of his bedroom door opening and that freaky "dude you're getting a Dell" guy sneaking across the carpet. He deftly dodges the various skate shoes, hoodies and handguns strewn across this average American teen's bedroom floor. Then, just as the kid is nearing completion... the Dell guy rips off the kid's headphones and yells "Dude, you're dicking on a Dell!" Tell me you wouldn't go out and buy one... you're lying.

Other variations include the weary road warrior getting into his hotel room late at night, loosening his tie, examining the "complimentary wireless internet access" card and thanking god for his 17" wide-screen Dell laptop with built-in wifi card.

You could even work in female-targeted ads, although I have no idea how. Maybe a Dell brand vibrator powered by blue-tooth technology? The possibilities are endless.

Sufficed to say, if Dell wants to come out on top in the next fiscal quarter and regain some of the market share that is constantly migrating to Apple, they better get their collective heads out of their asses and start working on ad campaigns that will get more porn freaks on board. They are, after all, our future.