Frat boys blow it ... then each other

Masturbating trespasser booted from frat
- The Michigan Daily (U of Michigan Student Paper)

Since when do frat boys complain about stuff like this? Some random chick shows up in their house, auditions finger puppets on their couch for thirty minutes, and then leaves without asking for money, a wedding ring or a ride back to her street corner ... and they complain? What the fuck.

Maybe next these guys will put up a petition to stop the sale of beer kegs in the state of Michigan. Or change last call to 7 p.m.

I mean I'm all for taking care of women when they're all fucked up and posing a danger to themselves or others, but if she has the dexterity to itch the ditch for 30 full minutes while still taking calls on her cell ... why not just turn off Mario Kart for a few minutes and enjoy the show?

What's worse is that these idiots called the COPS to oust her from her muffin' buffin'. What self-respecting group of guys can't brainstorm their way to kicking a stoned chick out of their house? All that expensive education must be going towards figuring out how to get a sober girl into their beds.

"Fraternity members said they will throw out two couches in the living room because of the incident." Why are they throwing them both out? Did she reposition halfway through reading the braille? Or is this whole thing just a made-up excuse to get mom and dad to refurnish the frat house?

Either way, they're not doing anything to save the already dismal reputation of the college fraternity.